But the authentic, red-blooded, all-American goth girl? Even now, I have no clue what her name was, but I will never forget seeing her at the bus stop for the first time. Hell, you might even find one that is just the right fit, and who knows? Spend a year dating nothing but goth girls, however, and an entire cosmos of previously unrevealed knowledge befalls you. She was probably the first major crush of my adolescence. In a way, it made them above the junior high totem, making them a more powerful caste system force than even the preppiest of preps. While everybody else found the goth girls to be terrifying, I found them oddly alluring. In fact, I soon learned that there are indeed five genuses of goth girl, each with her very own idiosyncratic quirks: For those of you have long mulled pursuing a darker, more lugubrious kind of romance?
Others thought their morbid, sadsack dispositions was the ultimate turnoff, but I thought it was inexplicably entrancing. She never wears any makeup … or deodorant, for that matter. That encompasses the entirety of the female goth varieties. They all chainsawed hobos to death behind Costco while blaring Marilyn Manson. Brushing her hair and teeth are infrequent occurrences. After all, to do that means you have to get up off the couch every now and then. She plans on getting a PH. But the authentic, red-blooded, all-American goth girl? Of course, I never responded. Indeed, my very first makeout was with a girl wearing a literal pentagram on her forehead and I was introduced to the joys of carnal pleasure by a young woman whose entire makeup chest was filled with nothing but novelty Halloween lipsticks and nail polishes. And there was something about that I found inherently appealing. Some are incredibly chill, while others are pretentious and — ironically — stuck-up. They hung out together on the weekends and did needle drugs and practiced black magic spells. She was clad in fishnet arm bands, was rocking the kind of boots I had only seen in Hellraiser movies and her makeup was about one shade away from being a quasi-offensive appropriation of Kabuki theater. The only thing in her purse are a couple of wadded up dollar bills, the cheapest cigarettes at 7-Eleven and a switchblade. Hey, we had all seen The Craft, and we knew what was in store for us if we pissed them off. So, that eighth grader I was talking about earlier? Others saw them and wanted to run screaming the other opposite direction; I fantasized about running towards them, and being welcomed into their herd with loving, polka dot warmer-draped arms. Yeah, sometimes you get a mixture of two or three of them, but by and large? The in-group mobility always fascinated me … especially since I was pretty much relegated to existence outside any of them. Aye, such would be a fate grimmer than death herself. She paints her nails every other day and she makes at least one trip to Ulta a week. She seemingly only wants to kiss you right after she sucked down a Camel cigarette or peeled her lips off her dragon-shaped bong. It was in the sixth grade that I was introduced to a certain — Fashion? You absolutely cannot leave the house until she has her winged eyeliner down perfect.
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