Social scientists tell you that people are happier at sixty-five than forty-five, so if you wait it out another twenty years, you might feel better. You won''t have your energy or looks forever. You were in love when you married. Yet now you feel too different. Sometimes you feel you can''t breathe. Or maybe you were absorbed by the care of your kids when they were small and didn''t give much thought to your personal satisfaction. When I spoke with Lisa, a professional, she had just turned forty-seven, and she struggled with the sound of it.
We''re voyeuristically critical toward middle-age flameouts--"She''s divorcing him and marrying their tenant! Social scientists tell you that people are happier at sixty-five than forty-five, so if you wait it out another twenty years, you might feel better. The crux is that you feel lost, or lonely, or at times almost blindingly miserable. Though the tasks are different, the challenges of the rough patch are in some sense the same. Serving our children''s needs allowed us to take a break from wanting things for ourselves, and all the complicated dilemmas it engendered. But it''s not clear what you are working for. You don''t want to have to work so hard for whatever incremental satisfactions you might gain. What felt tolerable before doesn''t anymore. You didn''t always feel this stuck in your relationship. I just want to feel for a change. You were in love when you married. People who seek my help often feel they are caught between what they should do and what they feel. You deserve to have some intimacy and passion and real connection in your life. We feel vulnerable to life''s surprises and attempt to fortify ourselves through the communal conviction that people should be more grown-up. Then I turned forty-seven. Or leave each other feeling deeply hurt. We hope that if we can distance ourselves from others'' crises or minimize our own, we might escape their disruptiveness. Yet you know feeling this way is wrong somehow. You didn''t marry too young. You have been married twelve years. You are left wondering, where am I in all this? There was a time when the marriage made sense. The kids, let''s face it, suffered. It''s not quite fair, but you can''t help blaming your partner for how dissatisfied you sometimes feel. Like the toddler and the teenager, we are looking to discover and fully express who we are, while staying connected to others.
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